The Chase
by aeyta
Summary: syaoran. hes crazy and talks to himself after sakuras death. then he decides that he must find out the truth. [drama|DARK|angst|mystery][minorS+S|minorTomoyo\Syaoran]


the chase  
written by aeyta  
note: this fanfic i will not spoil the couples although you can probably guess. ^^;; there is SOME syaoran/sakura but that is of the past. for the 'love?' thing, i wrote that because i wanted to and since its an inside joke parody with my friends. this is a dark fic. this is a very dark fic. with some er... sexual innuendos.  
  
  
// where life begins //  
// life ends //  
  
"Tomoyo-san," Syaoran noted to her as he saw her walking in the courtyard, waves of dark hair drifting to her waist as she walked. Her eyes were a light gray that was cloudy and she smiled as she saw him, she looked fragile with her pale complexion and her small body frame. Tomoyo was wearing a dark black dress that flowed to her feet and a black duster that was an inch longer than her hair.  
  
She adknowledged him with a formal bow and then a, "It's been a while... ne Syaoran-kun?"  
  
He nodded back at her, "It has, since her funeral..."  
  
"And his funeral, we mustn't forget Eriol-kun," she added thoughtfully.  
  
Syaoran's face darkened at the thought, "It had to have something to do with him..." he said suspiciously.  
  
"Syaoran-kun, don't be silly, of course it had nothing to do with Eriol-kun," Tomoyo then smiled the smile that always made Syaoran nervous.  
  
He frowned, "Tomoyo... tell me... were you and Eriol ever involved?"  
  
Tomoyo laughed, giving no answer.  
  
"Well.. were you?" Syaoran asked after she stopped laughing, as the silence settled uncomfortably.  
  
"Hm, perhaps. And if we did, of what business from it do you hold?" Tomoyo laughed again and Syaoran looked at her, a bit confused.  
  
"Anyway," he started to rush, Tomoyo was always strange but she somehow was... darker, as if she was walking within a shadow. Her eyes were cloudy and mysterious like always, he suddenly felt a pang in his heart. Sakura... yet at the same time, the pang started fading. "Sakura and Eriol..."  
  
"I know why you came," Tomoyo cut in. "I was expecting you," she smiled strangely and started walking away.  
  
"Wait, Tomoyo--"  
  
Tomoyo spun around to face him and she suddenly looked so beautiful, his heart suddenly yearned for her. Not for Sakura, but for Tomoyo. He then realized, he always thought Tomoyo as innocence and purity, but... she didn't seem as "innocent" as she once was. Then it hit him, Tomoyo was always the girl in shadows who hid behind a mask of smiles, who seemed to know... everything. Tomoyo was on the verge of darkness and a strange like "innocence" while Sakura was full of light, energy, and purity.  
  
"Yes?" Her voice was sweet. Sweet and full of "innocence".  
  
"You're not as innocent as you seem," Syaoran noted out loud.   
  
Tomoyo just smiled. Plain and simple. "I was never 'innocent'." She spun back around and walked towards her black car. Her black, sports car. Porshe. 911 Carrera Turbo. 415 Horsepower. Pretty fast.  
  
Syaoran walked back to his car, the opposite direction of Tomoyo's car. He left the large water fountain with cracking gray stones and angels with water spouting out of their mouths. The green shrubbery and vines that tackled the white gates seemed "innocent". Then again, what was exactly "innocent"?  
  
He stopped his train of thoughts as he turned the key and his car roared to life. Life. Death. Dead. That's what Sakura was. Dead. Dead, gone, up to heaven. With Eriol, who was just as dead. But can a person be more dead than another person? And what exactly was "death".   
  
What was illusion? What was reality? And what was "heaven"? What was "hell"?  
  
If there really was a "God", did he answer or did he watch? Was he just like a human with some sick sense of humor that lived off of negative energy, or was he a kind-hearted being that wanted the best and was trying to prove his power?  
  
Was he really "wise"? Yet, at a time of this, what was really "wise" and what was really "stupid"?  
  
Perhaps "God" was just like human. Trying to prove his power to the lower "angels" and "Satan".  
  
Or maybe Syaoran was being disillusional and talking to himself again. He always did that.  
  
After her death.  
  
That beautiful, lovely, lovely, innocent, pure, child-like girl who he loved very much. Love. That was another topic.  
  
What was "love"?  
  
"Love" was a weakness, a sign of cowardace and something that could be the fall of a person. Weaklings. Humans were weaklings. "Love" was an illusion, no, he did not "love" Sakura, Syaoran was not weak.  
  
Or was he?  
  
  
// to the lengths of heaven and hell //  
// angels descend further into imperfection //  
  
Syaoran looked around, he must find her. He must find Sakura. He must find the one he "loved".  
  
Just say it. Just say it. You love her. You know you did. You're driving yourself insane, you're driving yourself insane. You love her. You love her. You crave for her. You need her. You need her touch. You need her voice. You need to taste her words again. You love her. You're driving yourself insane. You must find her. Find her. Find her. Drag her away from death. Find her.   
  
Syaoran screamed in agony as he awoken, he saw a shadow in the white curtains. Someone was out on the balcony.  
  
Syaoran got up and opened the curtains, and there she was. Sakura, her short auburn hair and her emerald green eyes, willowy figure and pert nose and beautiful smile. Rays of light shining off of her. He cried out to her weakly, "Sakura..."  
  
Wait. It couldn't be Sakura. The figure was still looking at the city below, the figure's back was all he could see. Syaoran was being disillusional. Disillusional. He's crazy. He knows it too.  
  
The figure had dark ripples of black hair, the figure was wearing all black, the figure spoke. Syaoran woke up his senses, "Still heartbroken," the figure mused.  
  
That voice was recognizable. He knew that figure. That figure was her, Tomoyo. He knew that figure. And her voice was wonderful to his ears. He's been alone too long.  
  
He put his hands on her shoulders and roughly turned her around to face him. She looked at him straight in the eyes, her eyes were light. He always thought they were dark. They were light, like the clouds before a storm. She smiled. "You want something?" She was not surprised at all to Syaoran's shock. He just looked at her, he looked at her strange eyes, then his eyes drifted down to her pale lips. One moment, he was looking at her lips and the next his mouth was set right on those pale lips.   
  
Syaoran carressed her cheek with one hand and toyed with her hair with the other hand, then he roughly pushed her towards him.  
  
"Syaoran-kun, is this a wise decision?" she said in an amused voice. She knew everything. She knew all. She was so evil, so, so, so, evil. She was taunting him, she was mocking him. She was telling him what to do.   
  
No, he was just going crazy. He didn't know anything anymore, he just knew she was there and he had this inevitable urge to have her. Not Sakura. Not light, but he wanted something dark.   
  
"This is very wise," he said.   
  
She almost laughed, instead her lips were in a crooked smile and her eyes were taunting him. "You love Sakura, do you not," she stated.  
  
"No, I didn't love her, I don't think I could have, she's just something I need."   
  
"She's not here, and you're going crazy," Tomoyo did laugh this time.  
  
"Do you think... that I can need you?" Syaoran mused and Tomoyo still did not look shocked.  
  
She laughed. "And you thought I had something with Eriol..." he kissed her neck.  
  
"No, you didn't have anything with him. I can tell now."   
  
"Mm.. and you, do you know what you really had with Sakura?"  
  
"No, I don't know. Tell me."  
  
Tomoyo held him close to her and her mouth went to his ear. She whispered very softly, "It's a secret... but I'll tell you." She pulled him even closer and whispered even more softly, "You had a bond with her. A very strange bond, and this bond is being broken off and you're going crazy Syaoran. Crazy. You don't really want me."  
  
Syaoran shook his head, "No, I shouldn't have left Sakura, ever. Though I did come back for visits, we never got anywhere, she was what I always saw so I never saw you. I do want you."  
  
"You're just crazy."  
  
"I want you. And you want me."  
  
"Do I?"  
  
"Well you're going to have me."  
  
Tomoyo laughed again. "You don't want me, you'll regret it."  
  
"No, I won't."  
  
Tomoyo arched one eyebrow perfectly. "Then take me."  
  
  
// innocence in high light //  
// becomes impure in low light //  
  
Syaoran woke up, he heard someone stirring next to him. Sakura. Sakura. Must be Sakura. Only Sakura. You love Sakura. Every other girl you slept with was not special for they weren't Sakura. This was special. Must be Sakura. Not Sakura. Find her. Find her. You love her. Crazy. You're driving yourself crazy.  
  
He looked to his side seeing Tomoyo sleeping peacefully. Her eyes were closed, and she seemed so innocent in her sleep. Her face pale, a smile resting lazily on her lips and her dark hair hanging over the place.  
  
She was beautiful. He had never thought of her in that way before. He had never thought of her as beautiful. He just thought of her as Tomoyo.  
  
Names meant so much when they meant so little. A name was like a title, but a title was unimportant, yet a name labeled who you were, but in a way everyone is somewhat the same, why label differences? It was all so controversial.  
  
He looked back at Tomoyo, trying to stop thinking again. He was crazy. Stop it. He forced himself to think about Tomoyo, she was prettier than Sakura. She was more beautiful, she more mysterious, darker, and not as innocent as she seemed.  
  
He didn't want Sakura anymore. He wanted Tomoyo. The voice came back. Tomoyo is not Sakura. Sakura is Sakura. Sakura is you. You are Sakura. Find her. Then keep her. You obsess for her. You want her. You need her. Not Tomoyo. Sakura. Sakura. You're driving yourself crazy. Find her. Why Tomoyo?  
  
Syaoran shook his head.  
  
Tomoyo opened her eyes, then turned her head to Syaoran. "Regretful yet?"   
  
"No," Syaoran said rather coldly.  
  
"Oh, I think you are regretful," Tomoyo mused to herself. She always did that. Perhaps everyone was going crazy now. First Syaoran, pondering about everything, and now Tomoyo. Or maybe Tomoyo was always crazy. Or Syaoran was always crazy. Maybe both of them were always crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.  
  
Eriol was crazy too. Maybe Sakura was the only normal one. But then again, she wasn't exactly normal to begin with. No. They were all crazy.  
  
"I'm not regretting it," Syaoran cut in harshly. He stared at Tomoyo, his eyes cold.   
  
She stared back, not hurt, not remorseful, not sad, just blank. He hated that. She was always like that. So goddamned unreadable. She owned a part of everybody. She had a power that no one else had. She knew what no one knew. She knew everything. He had this irrisistable urge to kiss her on the lips and fuck her again, but then he had htis irrisistable urge to slap her. He hated her at that moment. But he loved her.  
  
Syaoran drew up his hand and slapped Tomoyo. She did not wince. She just stared at him and gave her strange smile. Nothing out of ordinary. That was so her. "Hmm." It was like she enjoyed pain.  
  
"I'm sorry," Syaoran apologized after a while.  
  
"No, you're not." Tomoyo said, her eyes still blank and her smile still set.  
  
"You're right. I had an urge to do that." Then he kissed her roughly on the lips. "And I had an urge to do that too."  
  
Then she said two words that made him think that Tomoyo did have a special power. While Eriol, him, and Sakura could use magic, Tomoyo had something else far more dangerous. In some strange way. "I know."  
  
She knows. She knows everything. Not Sakura. Find Sakura. No need Sakura. Need Tomoyo. Need Sakura. Find Sakura.   
  
Syaoran shook his head.   
  
"You're crazy," Tomoyo mused again.   
  
"So are you."  
  
"We can both be crazy together," Tomoyo noted.  
  
"You're crazy."  
  
"I know."  
  
  
// living is not an option //  
// suicide is cowardice //  
  
Syaoran walked out of his car. Tomoyo had went home. He had to find her, after debating with himself for a while, he decided that he had to find Sakura. No matter what. Not even find her, he just needed to know the truth.   
  
Tomoyo would know. Tomoyo knows. She knows. She knows. Ask. Ask. Ask.   
  
Syaoran couldn't ask her. The voices still whispered in his mind but he wouldn't listen. He needed to find it for himself. Even if he died himself.  
  
He went to the church.  
  
And for the first time in his life, he kneeled down to the crucifix and bowed his head, and talked to him. God. If he was there listening.  
  
"Where is she? I must find her."  
  
It wasn't much of a prayer, Syaoran wasn't one to really believe in God but he just had to ask.   
  
Then he did something wierd.  
  
"I'll sell my soul. I need the truth."  
  
Syaoran looked up and a paper fell on his head, on it it read in dark red letters that was scrawled on messily, "ASK ONE WHO KNOWS". He looked at the letters and put it to his mouth to taste them, it was blood. The strange metallic taste was sensational in his mouth, still wet. He folded the note and put it in his pocket.  
  
I don't own my soul anymore. Stupid. You stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Still, you find her. Know her. Find her. Know her.  
  
Syaoran smiled, he ran to the grave where his once beloved and old friend lay.  
  
  
// the chase begins //  
// and ends too soon //  
  
There she was again. Dressed in black and looking down at the graves, her eyes were cast down but he could tell they were blank. Unreadable. He wished he knew what she felt. Hell, he wish he knew.   
  
She knows. Why can't he know? He used magic, she didn't, yet she knew.  
  
"Tomoyo!" Syaoran yelled.  
  
She turned around, no remorse in her eyes. Still the same gray and still the same emotions that weren't there. "So you gave your soul."  
  
"I figured you'd know. I'm not going to bother to ask how. You just do. You always knew, you always know."  
  
She just smiled. "I didn't think it'd come to this. And I really did think you'd regret, but you didn't. You've learned to forget her. Sakura."  
  
Syaoran just nodded his head. "It wasn't meant to be."  
  
"Neither were we."  
  
"But I like you, you are mine," Syaoran said finally. He wanted Tomoyo. Not Sakura. Not Sakura anymore. He liked Tomoyo. She was his.  
  
"No, I am not yours. I'm just like you." Tomoyo walked close to him, then shook her head and small crystaline tears dropped out of her eyes. Three crystaline tears. "I gave my soul."  
  
He looked at her. Surprised. Yes, in a way. But no, he wasn't too.   
  
"You see, I'm not pure or innocent. You are like me. You do know. You do know. Think, what happened?" Tomoyo asked.   
  
"What did you give your soul for?" Syaoran asked coldly.  
  
Tomoyo smiled wryly, "Think. You'll know. We're both children of hell now. We're the same."  
  
Syaoran thought. And thought. What did Tomoyo tell him before, what did he know? Past, present, future? Suddenly, he felt himself surrounded by voices. Worser than the ones before. They whispered to him. Whispered to him.  
  
"You... you wanted... you wanted to know. You didn't really give it for something in particular, you just wanted to know."  
  
"I just wanted to know. To know. But... it didn't go as planned. Once I knew, I knew everything in the world. No secrets are hear. I feel everyone's pain so I don't feel pain anymore. Do you understand? You yourself, since you gave your soul, can know somewhat. But not as much as I."  
  
Syaoran nodded his head. It made sense now. Everything fit it. Except Sakura's and Eriol's deaths. "And the--"  
  
"I killed them."  
  
Syaoran was't surprised. He would have been before, but not anymore. "At their request."  
  
"They loved each other. Such pure creatures."  
  
"And we are damned."  
  
"Of course, you made a deal. You're very stupid, I really didn't think this would happen. Tell me Syaoran, are you a coward?"  
  
Syaoran had to tell the truth even though Tomoyo knew. He was making another agreement. "Yes. I am a coward."  
  
"Then let me end your pain." Tomoyo got out a small, white dagger, she put it in his heart and Syaoran felt no pain. "And you end mine."  
  
Syaoran smiled, of course. He took the dagger and stabbed her just as she did him.   
  
"And we'll share our pain together," he could hear her whisper.  
  
"Why did you do this? You knew before you gave way."  
  
"Because."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I loved you."  
  
"Tomoyo?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I love you too."  
  
Tomoyo closed her gray eyes, truly happy for once.  
  
  
// what comes //  
// eventually goes //   
  
authorsendnote: okay. this is kinda dark and you need to have a deep thinking mind to understand this cause im lazy and didn't make everything understandable.  
  
  



End file.
